party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
