My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Bring me that man meat
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
