More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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