wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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