I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
