It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
