Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
