it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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