I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
