I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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