just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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