He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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