someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Enjoy the penises
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
This couple is walking their pig around campus
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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