i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
