She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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