words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
