if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize