she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
