i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
