Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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