I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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