i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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