He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
do herpes really smell.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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