What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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