Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
