i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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