I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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