So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
