Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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