Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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