I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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