What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
