dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He did a backflip because drugs
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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