Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
