I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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