Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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