I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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