I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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