ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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