Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
