My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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