I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
