your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
