As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
