Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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