i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
