well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Randomize
