dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
