But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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