I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize