are you still at the devil's house?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I believe in your delicious
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
