i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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