I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
