My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
