Banned from zoo.
Again?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
