She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I am mentally ready for anal.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
