oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
