I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
