Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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