I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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