this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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