One girl and one boy is just not enough.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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