Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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