Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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