everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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