Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize