Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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