the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
