it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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