i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Semen is not good for contacts.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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