I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
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