Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
