is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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