I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
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