It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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