Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I see more hoeing in ur future
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
