note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
This baby is an asshole
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
