i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
what day is it and did you see me today?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
