i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
