i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just forgot I was standing up.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
