I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
