discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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