remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
