i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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