He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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