but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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