Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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