Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
